


Hold Her Hand

by RunWithWolves



Series: 25 Days of Sweetheart [12]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-27 13:27:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12582916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RunWithWolves/pseuds/RunWithWolves
Summary: Carmilla's deal with a death goddess may have gotten Laura's heart back and beating in her chest but it's been three weeks and Laura still hasn't woken up. From her spot down in the underworld, Mattie has been watching her little sister refuse to leave Laura's side even as hope fades from her face. The now human Carmilla forgetting to eat and sleep; heart broken as she waits for Laura to just wake up.So Mattie takes things into her own deadly hands. After all, why be the right hand to a death goddess if you can't make a few deals of your own?





	Hold Her Hand

**Author's Note:**

> YOU LITERALLY ASKED FOR THIS. >:D
> 
> "Hey there, so I'm new at the Carmilla fandom, found your fics and love them. So I've a request fic: Laura is in a coma and Mattie goes talking to her, because she's really worried about her little sister Carmilla (who loves Laura to death and is going crazy) Telling her things, like please wake up she needs you... I just love how Mattie cares about Carmilla and how she will do anything for her, even being gentle with Laura. Thank you "

Mattie brushed the remnants of the darkest parts of the underworld from the edges of her dress and straightened her shoulders as she emerged back into the core of Ereshkigal’s court. She had never asked to become the voice of the goddess of death but she wasn’t above using her new abilities to her advantage. To her sister’s advantage. 

She glided through the Underworld, watching the souls passing through for judgement at Ereshkigal’s throne move onto whatever came next at the goddess’s word. A thousand years as a vampire only to be reborn as an avatar of the dead in her second rebirth and she still had no insight as to what lay beyond the final veil. 

A shiver passed through her incorporeal bones. 

Hurrying past the throne room, Mattie’s gaze was drawn to the wading pool at the center of Ereshkigal’s garden. The pool was perfectly still and so long that Mattie had yet to find the other end. The skies whirled overhead, a constant storm of grays that swirled but never rained as the air hung heavy like humidity. Black dust curled under her feet and poofed with every step, the remnants of plants long burnt into dust. The pool held the only life in it’s black marble edges and in it’s perfect reflection Mattie could see everything she needed. 

Her little sister. Carmilla. Only three weeks out of the pit with a blush in her skin as her newfound spark from their mother, the goddess Inanna, returned her humanity and striped away the curse of her vampirism. Mattie knew that Carmilla, despite rarely mentioning it, had always dreamed of her human life. 300 years was long enough to see her sister endeavour to hide her fangs, slipping into a human guise with a heart that could not help but fall for the foibles of humanity. 

And fall Carmilla had. Though Mattie had scoffed every time, Carmilla’s heart fell too quickly and too strongly to be denied and so Mattie had spent decades helping her sister pick up the pieces. She’d thought, after Elle, that Carmilla had been done with love. Too jaded and angry to ever fall again.

But she’d underestimated her sister’s heart and, in the prime of her youth at 330, Mattie had watched Carmilla fall headfirst all over again. 

Except this time Mattie wasn’t there to pick up the pieces when it all went wrong.

She gazed down at the surface of the water and found Carmilla in the same place she’d been for the past few weeks, perched at the side of a hospital bed with her human skin a sickly pale colour. Blush barely visible, nearly the vampire she no longer was. Carmilla held a limp and unmoving hand tightly in her own. So tightly. As tightly as she could. 

Humans couldn’t hold as tight as vampires and Carmilla’s face was broken. Terrified that Laura would slip from her grasp if she so much as looked away.

The pit had returned Carmilla’s humanity, a gift from the goddess of love, but saving the world had cost the life of Carmilla’s love. With the goddess of love unable to help her a second time, Carmilla had turned to the goddess of death. She’d made a bet and placed a deal on the table. 

She’d won and lost all at once. 

Laura’s heart had been restored and even though the water’s reflection Mattie could see the rise and fall of Laura’s chest. But. Despite the beat of her heart and the breath in her lungs, Laura had never woken up. 

Carmilla hadn’t left her side at the hospital, barely remembering that she was human enough now to need food and sleep. It only took a glance to see that Carmilla was courting the line of life and death herself.

Well then. 

With a deep breath that she didn’t need, Mattie focused and let the air ripple around her. While it wasn’t strictly within the rules, there were some things that a girl just needed to do. The air around her shimmered then froze and gave off a pop.

She appeared in the hospital room as the moon shone overhead through the small window. 

Always night. A part of her was starting to miss the sun. Even in the dark, Carmilla was hunched by Laura’s beside. She perched on the edge of her seat and her eyes watched for any sign of movement. As silent as a human could be but a far cry from the vampire she’d once been. 

“Well now sis,” Mattie broke the silence, “it seems that things have changed since we last saw each other.”

“Mattie.” Carmilla croaked as her head whipped towards her. She never let go of Laura’s hand. As she took Mattie in, squinting in the darkness, her one word lingered. Mattie’s name a mix of everything from fear to exhaustion pulled over a broken set of syllables. 

One word. One look. Mattie’s heart broke at the sister staring up at her with huge circles under her eyes and something like hope on her face. Hope that was made of wide eyes and an open mouth, the kind only a wrong word away from shattering entirely into tears. 

Reaching out, Mattie gently cupped Carmilla’s face with a single hand, “You’ve gotten yourself into quite the mess this time, little monster.”

“She won’t wake up,” Carmilla looked back at Laura, “Why won’t she wake up?”

“Death goddesses do not like to make deals.” Mattie said softly.

Carmilla reached out and made a minute adjustment to Laura’s hair, smoothing it out. Even Mattie could admit that seeing the usual expression face expressionless was eerie. All of the hundred motions that Laura made in her constant need to never sit still were gone. Vanished. 

“Is she dead?” Carmilla asked like she’d thought the question a hundred times over, “Would you know?”

Mattie squeezed Carmilla’s shoulder. “She’s not dead. If there are any advantages to my newfound servitude it’s that I’d be able to find your little ingenue if she was truly dead. Her soul’s still in there.” 

Mattie thought of days spent wandering the darkest parts of the underworld. Checking. Searching. Just in case. Souls could be retrieved if you knew the right way to break the rules. It would have been so much simpler if she’d just have been able to find Laura’s soul and dump it in her sister’s lap.

“So why isn’t she back?” Carmilla practically demanded. That snap in her voice that could never be erased from the Countess Karnstein.

Mattie sighed, “Goddess like loopholes. You remember Maman. Always playing with her targets and finding ways to go back on deals she lost without technically breaking any of the constraints of the bargain. You asked for Laura to be alive again. Ereshkigal has obliged.”

“This isn’t what I wanted!” Carmilla whirled, her hands slamming the air as she stood, “Fine. She’s technically alive but this isn’t living. This isn’t her. You know that. This isn’t right. You should have warned me or helped me or something!”

“You know I gave what help I could,” Mattie lifted her chin, “I’m just as much a servant to this as you are. Don’t put this back on me.”

Carmilla bit her tongue. Her shoulders unraveling as she ran a hand through her hair. The silence pounded around them, dark and terrible as the night that Carmilla no longer was. A part of Mattie had to wonder what it felt like to back in skin that you hadn’t worn in centuries. To have blood pumping through your veins again and skin fragile like paper instead of the power you were used to.

The girl you loved dying and nothing you could do.

Powerless. 

“I’m sorry, okay?” Carmilla tilted her head back, “I didn’t mean that.”

“I know.” Mattie let her hand become tangible and tucked Carmilla’s hair back behind her ear, “You’re tired and you need food. Go take care of that new human body, fragile thing that it is. The cub scout will be disappointed if she wakes up to find you haven’t taken care of yourself.”

Carmilla shook her head, “I can’t leave her.”

Mattie let a smile creep over her lips. Her silly, romantic, baby sister. She sighed, putting a fake frown on her face that she knew Carmilla could see through, “I’ll watch the comatose moppet if you swear to at least get something to eat. Bring back one of the revolting sugar concoctions the girl likes so much. She’ll probably sit up just to get it.”

“Mattie.” 

Carmilla sounded alarmingly like she was going to cry so Mattie booped her on the nose. “Now now sis. Go get your food. I don’t want to see you joining me down in the great below any time soon and this new body requires sustenance. You just got your new lease on life. No use squandering it because you can’t be bothered to eat something.”

“Okay, look. But-”

Carmilla tried but Mattie just gave her the evil eye and used her best big sister voice, “Go eat. I’ll watch the moppet. I won’t make the offer again so you’d best go take me up on it.”

There was a pause then she only had a brief second to make herself tangible before Carmilla was in her arms and holding her tight. Something in Mattie’s chest ached as she embraced Carmilla back. Her little sister. More so than blood would ever make. Carmilla sniffed into her shoulder then pulled away, “You’ll look after her.”

“Carmilla,” Mattie gave her a look, “I’m the living avatar of death. I think i can make sure that your girlfriend doesn’t die on my watch.”

Carmilla nodded, running her fingers through her hair before heading to the door. She paused for one last look and the expression on her face pulled the question from Mattie’s chest, “You really do love her, don’t you?”

The moonlight shimmered overhead as Carmilla’s sighed, “You will think me cruel, very selfish, but love is always selfish; the more ardent the more selfish. I love her and I only want her back. For her, there is no such word as indifference in my apathetic nature”

“Trust you to turn a simple question into an annoying amount of prose.” Mattie rolled her eyes but her smile slipped out anyway.

“As though you’re not brimming over with words yourself,” Carmilla taunted back, “I remember your years trying to make it as a poet.”

Mattie sniffed, “Those fools had no taste. They deserved to be eaten.” She gave Carmilla another look, “Like you need to. Go.”

Carmilla went with a soft, “Thank you.”

Then she was gone and it was just the ghost of the undead and a comatose girl silent under the moonlight. Mattie spent a moment gazing out towards the moon and breathing deep through the lungs she did not have. Slowly, she floated over to the chair Carmilla had vacated and sat down. She swept Laura from head to toe, taking in her still body. She frowned, eyeing the soul lying inside and glowing a soft yellow. But the colour was subdued. Quiet. Curled into itself and lying low in her chest with the thinnest thread of colour extending towards her fingertips.

And Mattie smiled softly.

The fingertips Carmilla had been holding so tightly. 

It seemed the moppet might be worth something after all if she cared enough to put in the effort to manage that little feat. 

Mattie erased her smile, sat up, and eyed Laura’s body. “I know you can hear me, you know.” she said, “Oh, don’t worry. I know you can’t respond and aren’t faking your little coma but you’re near dead enough that I can tell which parts of you aren’t dead. Actually, you should be dead by now gidget. Ereshkigal didn’t put that much power into you, just enough to technically fulfill the bargain. After all, Carmilla never said anything about keeping you alive. And yet,” Mattie paused, “here you still breathe.”

There was only silence in the room. 

“Not much of a conversationalist though,” Mattie sniffed, “I suppose I’ll let it pass since that little yellow bit of your soul extending towards your fingers implies that you at least care for my sister enough to try and reach her. You’re a stubborn one, I’ll give you that. But I suppose Carmilla is too, in her own way. I’m going to need you to use that to hold on while I talk.”

She looked to the ceiling, “The two of you will either be a perfect match or kill each other. I can’t say that I’ve decided which I’d prefer. Do me a favour and don’t go anywhere until you figure it out. Don’t let go of that body of yours. But,” she gave Laura her best evil eye, “You and I need to have a little talk and this may be the last chance we get. Plus, I have the added benefit of not having to deal with your incessant interruptions. I talk. You listen. Really, it’s the perfect set-up.”

Mattie folded her hands in her lap, “So you listen well poppet. I’ve known Carmilla for three hundreds years, that’s more than your measly lifespan can even imagine. I was well past 700 when Maman dropped the newly turned Countess Karnstein in my lap as a punishment of sorts for this minor affair with killing everyone in a royal family to get myself a kingdom. Nothing of substance really. But it disrupted some plan of Maman’s so she gave me an assignment. The first in decades. I had a baby vampire on my hands.”

“She reminds me of you, actually,” Mattie admitted, “All wide eyes and a hundred and ten questions about literally everything. Of course, that was only after we could convince her to even come out of the room I’d given her. All covered in blood and still wearing that white dress she’d been murdered in, completely ruined the carpeting. I’d actually gone to try and take it off her but she tried to bite me. Me!” Mattie laughed at the memory, “It all came to naught, I easily overpowered her but to see her standing there, trembling but not backing down. Well, I’ll admit it may have sparked some fondness for my new charge.”

Her laughter faded, “When I learned what had been done to her; why she feared me enough to bite me. Well. Let’s just say any Vordenbergs that Carmilla hadn’t killed in her escape were very quickly dispatched. Personally. The old fool you met only survived through an illegitimate heir countries away. The things they did to Carmilla.” Mattie’s voice shook, “I should have killed them slower.” 

Something in Laura’s soul seemed to tremble and Mattie was surprised to find a sense of anger wafting off it. 

It would take a lot for a soul to give off that much emotion. 

“Teaching her to feed was a chore,” Mattie said, “if only because the girl refused to even show her fangs. Absolutely hated them. Thought herself some kind of monster and I practically had to shove the food down her throat to keep her from dying on me. Frankly, if Maman hadn’t been so insistent then I might not have bothered and left her to fend for herself. So I persisted; I took her to libraries and dances, taught her strategy games and the basics of survival. I’d assumed it was all for naught, Mircalla refusing to even look at herself in the mirror, when we ran into one of my old acquaintances.”

Some things were safe to admit to comatose souls, “I was unprepared,” Mattie said, “And I’d made many enemies and this one got the jump on me. There are not many ways to kill a vampire but, as you know, they do exist and I was nearly to my end when suddenly Mircalla entered the parlour after her afternoon walk. A forced lesson to help her learn to deal with the sun. She froze at the scene,” Mattie shook her head, “and I thought she would run. But the oddest look crossed her face, as though a hundred emotions were battling at once. I was a young 700 and cried out when the dagger pierced my chest.”

“Carmilla roared,” Mattie said, the ghost of the sound in her ears, “Roared like I’d never heard before and tore through those other vampires, as immortal as they were, like they were nothing but dust in her hands. She poured their blood down my throat as we stood in the mess of their limbs and gripped me tight, begging me not to die on her too.”

“It was at that moment, I knew I’d found myself a little sister.”

“Everything easier after that. After Carmilla embraced the monster inside and let herself simply be. I saw the first time she turned into that panther, a clumsy bumbling black fluffball that was distracted by her own tail and gnawed on my favourite pair of shoes until I scoped her up and scratched behind her ears until she purred. We crossed the oceans together, discovering swathes of new territory that we’d never seen before. I took her to parties and taught her how to dance; it took her decades to find even a semblance of rhythm. We went to every kind of concert from orchestral suites to the birth of rock and roll. I’ve seen her through every bad haircut and corny fashion trend.”

She sat up as Laura’s light faded and snapped, “Don’t you dare die while I’m speaking to you, Hollis.”

With a shudder, the light shone again.

Mattie’s words came faster, “I bought Carmilla the first thing she could call her own, a little flat on the edge of Paris after I watched her fall in love with the city. I saw her fall in love with books. I was the first to hear her stumbling admission that she prefers the fairer sex and held her while she cried and begged me to tell her that it was okay. I watched her grow older. Harder. I watcher her learn how to create shields for herself and how to protect herself.”

“I watched her break every shield down when she fell in love.” Mattie’s voice went low, “When she fell apart because that girl loves far too deeply than she ever should; if she chooses you as her own, whether sister or lover, she will sacrifice all to you. I’ve watched this tear her to pieces. I had to stand idly by when she lowered herself into that coffin at Maman’s command.”

The light dimmed again, “You stay right here, gidget. You hang on.”

It struggled back to life.

Mattie’s voice shook, “Can you even imagine that? Carmilla went willingly into that coffin because she was so ashamed of everything she was and I had to just stand there and let her go. There was no way for me to contradict Mamam out loud; the best I’d ever been able to do was that nickname ‘little monster’ to try and remind her that monsters are not terrible things.” Mattie tried not growl, “but what was that to Maman’s manipulations and twisted words.”

“Maman forgot about her, you know? Completely forgot that she just buried Carmilla under the dirt. It wasn’t chance that brought Carmilla up again; I watched and waited for my chance for decades to find a way to save my little sister that wouldn’t get her interred again. That would give her a new lease on life. The war simply gave me the chance to place the bomb, racing through the bullets of the battlefield to blast her out without killing her. I was the one who found her in Paris, pale and trembling and barely able to even remember her own name.” 

Laura’s light was dim but desperately clinging to her body. Twisting and curling into herself and hanging onto anything it could get.

“I nursed her back to herself as best I could. I was the one there to pick up the pieces after it all fell apart and I tried as best I could to bring smiles back to her life - we went to Electra concerts and watched the moon landing. You should have seen her face,” Mattie smiled, “it practically glowed for the first time in years as she watched humanity step on the moon. My little sister who loved the stars. I think she would have signed up for the space program then and there if she could have found a way.”

Mattie forced herself to refocus. “I’ve been there for it all, except now. I can’t be. Not really,” she shook her head, “Not while I’m busy playing messenger for a goddess. Which, I’ll remind you moppet, is definitely your fault.”

“But I suppose I can’t eviscerate you for it,” Mattie sighed, “After all, you’re in this little predicament because you offered your heart to save Carmilla’s. Frankly, I think that calls us even. There’s just one problem,”

She watched the light, it was barely holding on and dimming with every passing moment. She watched Laura try and throw out tendrils towards her fingertips, looking for something to hold onto and finding nothing. The tendrils came out again and again, desperately searching for something to hold onto. Trying. Seeking. Searching. Stubborn.

Mattie grabbed Laura’s hand, squeezing tight and sending out her own soul to hook a dark red tendril into Laura’s yellow thread, yanking her forward.

“The problem is that Carmilla loves you and you seem to love her as well. Which means I can’t let you die, now can I?”

She held Laura’s hand tight, her words fierce, “I can’t be with her anymore. I’m a ghost. I can’t protect my little sister or make her smile or help her see that the world isn’t quite as doom and gloom as she sometimes thinks it is. But you can. I’ve seen it. You put that silly little smile on her face and force her to feel alive; you sacrificed your own little insignificant life to keep her safe. And since I can be here, one of us has to be. So it looks like it’s going to be you.”

“Because,” Mattie fought against the way that something started pulling on the edges of her consciousness, something old and dark and suddenly aware that it’s messenger was breaking every single rule. Mattie summoned every one of her thousand years and fought back. 

She was going to finish. This was her monologue and she was not surrendering the final word.

Laura’s little yellow soul was awake now, clinging to her red tendril with everything it had.

“Because my sister is the only family I have.” Mattie said with gritted teeth, “She is the only thing in this whole blasted world that I care about and I will not see her broken again. I will not see her lose her family and she seems to have chosen you to be part of that family. I’m already dead. You’re all she has left.”

She took Laura’s hand in both her own, sweat breaking out on the back of her neck as death pulled tighter, “So, you and I are going to make a deal Laura.”

She could feel Laura’s shock at her name, the hand in her own actually twitching. 

“I’m going to bring you back and then you’re going to use that tiny pathetic human heart of your to give Carmilla all the love that it possibly can. You’re going to help my little sister enjoy every last second of the human life she’s always pretended she didn’t want. You’re going to hold her hand and kiss her and make her laugh and pack that short human life full with every single good thing you can get your hands on.” Mattie’s hands were shaking with the effort of holding Laura and pushing away the dark, “That’s my deal Laura.”

Mattie shook her head, surprised to find her throat clogged with tears, “You’re going to marry her and give her all the love she deserves. All the love that i could never make her believe she was worthy of.”

“Frankly,” Mattie blinked her eyes against the tears, “I think you’re getting the better end of this deal. You get my sister. That’s the best and most precious gift that I could give you and,” her voice turned harsh, “you’d better deserve it, Hollis. I wouldn’t give this chance to anyone but your silly sacrificial and optimistic human soul has proven that it might - might - be up to the challenge. So prove me right about you, cub reporter. Because I may not like you but you do love my sister, so you’ve got that going for you. She needs you.”

“Carmilla!” Mattie shouted, “Come here!”

She could literally feel herself sinking downward, “One catch though,” Mattie said, “I can only help you so far and you’re going to have to claw yourself back the rest of the way. Ereshkigal is going to try and keep you so you’re going to have to fight. You can’t let go,” Mattie said, “That’s the deal. ”

She didn’t have time to wait for an answer as dark hands grabbed at her own soul, Mattie reached out for Laura’s soul and yanked, pulling it so that it filled her entire body. Laura suddenly becoming a bright yellow beacon in the night. 

Vaguely, she was aware of Carmilla bursting into the room.

Laura shrieked and Mattie’s mind was filled with shouting and scrambling, she watched as Laura kicked against the darkness holding onto the corner of her soul. Pushing and shoving back against everything that tried to pull her under. 

Mattie couldn’t help her, she had her own hands to worry about that pulled her down. She didn’t fight them. Instead, she reached for Carmilla and shoved her hand into Laura’s.

“We made a deal, Hollis,” Mattie said, “You hold my sister's hand and you don’t ever let go.”

Laura’s soul zeroed in on Carmilla like a shark, launching itself towards her fingers and anchoring herself in Carmilla’s touch. Laura held on. She kicked and pushed until the darkness was gone and her eyes flew open, body bolting upright as a gasp flew from her mouth. 

Hand clenched tightly in Carmilla’s.

What she hadn’t expect was for Laura to keep moving, lunging after Mattie and grabbing her by her robes, “You can’t go either!” Laura said. 

But Mattie just smiled, eyes on where Laura was still holding onto Carmilla’s hand in her other one. 

“You don’t let go of her hand,” was all she said, “This is the price. It has to be paid.”

“Mattie?” Carmilla’s word cut through her one last time.

Mattie smiled, fading away so that Laura’s hand went right through her, “I love you, little sister.”

And finally, after a thousand years, Mattie learned what lay on the other side of the veil.

#

It only took 70 years before she saw two familiar faces. Older and younger all at once, age flickering and indefinite in the world beyond.

“Mattie!”

She looked up at the two figures running towards her and a smile cracked over her face when she saw they were still holding hands. 

Carmilla slammed into her and Mattie gave her a soft hug, “I’m glad you took your time, little sister.” Carmilla just hugged her again.

Laura was waiting behind her, looking just a little sheepish. Toe rotating in the dirt. Mattie nodded to their joined hands, rings gleaming. “I see you listened.”

Laura nodded and gave a hesitant smile, “That was the deal, right?”

Mattie gave her just a second to squirm then reached out and brought into the hug, “I suppose this means I have an even littler sister.”

Laura’s hug nearly knocked the breath out of her.

**Author's Note:**

> Mattie's voice needs more practice but i love it just the same *insert heart eyes here*
> 
> You ever have one of those weeks where everything is due all at once and you want to pull your hair out? That's been my week and I've been getting through it by checking in on your comments and kudos and [ tumblr flails ](http://ariabauer.tumblr.com/) because they never fail to make me smile. So thank you, cupcakes, for your support because it means everything when I'm ready to just give up because there's too much to do. stay stupendous. aria.


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